TRUE THOUGHTS

 

 1. A day without sunshine is like, night. 

 2. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 

 3. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 

 4. It's a known fact, 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 

 5. Also very true... 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 

 6. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 

 7. Honk if you love peace and quiet. 

 8. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 

 9. He who laughs last thinks slowest. 

10. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 

11. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 

12. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. 

13. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. 

14. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week. 

15. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 

16. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. 

17. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade! 

18. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. 

19. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it! 

20. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. 

21. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand... 

22. OK, so what's the speed of dark? 

23. Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 

24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 

25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.