********CREATIVE PIZZA ORDERS********


1. If using a touch-tone phone, press random numbers while ordering.
   Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Use CB lingo where applicable.

3. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

4. End the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

5. Answer their questions with questions

6. Tell them to put the crust on top this time

7. Do not name the toppings you want, rather, spell them out

8. Stutter on the letter "p"

9. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

10. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they
    called you.

11. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

12. Change your accent every 3 seconds

13. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows
    from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

14. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say,
    "Okay, that'll be $9.99; please pull up to the first window."

15. Rent a pizza

16. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh
    of relief.

17. Imitate the order taker's voice

18. Eliminate verbs from your speech

19. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid
    behind some furniture waiting for your mate to arrive so you can
    surprise him/her.

20. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

21. Order a slice, not a whole pizza

22. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

23. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and
    Mary in Tinsel Town."

24. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

25. Start the conversation with,"My call to Pizza Place, Take 1, and...
    action!"

26. Ask if the pizza is organically grown

27. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another
    pizza.

28. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at
    regular intervals to play it.

29. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent
    orders.

30. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat
    that, say, "I said, 'sauce smothered with meat.'"

31. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you
    say, "No mushrooms, please." Quickly hang up.

32. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.