1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same

     ** Both take up too much space on the bed.
     ** Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
     ** Both are threatened by their own kind.
     ** Both mark their territory.
     ** Both are bad at asking you questions.
     ** Neither tells you what's bothering them.
     ** The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
     ** Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
     ** Neither does any dishes.
     ** Both fart shamelessly.
     ** Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
     ** Both like dominance games.
     ** Both are suspicious of the postman.
     ** Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
     ** Neither understands what you see in cats.


     2. How Dogs Are Better Than Men

     ** Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
     ** Dogs miss you when you're gone.
     ** Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
     ** Dogs don't criticize your friends.
     ** Dogs admit when they're jealous.
     ** Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
     ** Dogs do not play games with you--except fetch (and they never
        laugh at how you throw).
     ** Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
     ** You can train a dog.
     ** Dogs are easy to buy for.
     ** You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
     ** The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK. The
        *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a
        vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
     ** Dogs understand what no means.
     ** Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
     ** Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
     ** Dogs admit it when they're lost.
     ** Dogs are color blind.
     ** Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
     ** Dogs mean it when they kiss you.


     3. Where Dogs Fall Down

     ** Men only have two feet that track in mud.
     ** Men can buy you presents.
     ** Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them
        around the block.
     ** Men are a little bit more subtle.
     ** Men don't eat turds on the sly.
     ** Dogs have dog breath all the time.
     ** Men can do math stuff.
     ** Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.
     ** It's fun to dry off a wet man.