The Following are actual bumper stickers observed on America's roads:

   * Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
   * We're staying together for the sake of the cats.
   * It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
   * My karma ran over your dogma.
   * Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
   * This is not an abandoned vehicle.
   * I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
   * Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus.
   * Welcome to Texas, now go home.
   * It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
   * If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.
   * Life's too short to dance with ugly men.
   * Life's too short to dance with ugly women.
   * My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me.
     Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
   * When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the
     IRS).
   * I is a college student.
   * Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
   * Beer isn't just for breakfast any more.
   * Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
   * Eschew bifuscation.
   * Will Rogers never met a lawyer.
   * Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk
     carton.
   * It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
   * Don't steal. The government hates competition.
   * Is there life before coffee?
   * Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
   * Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.
   * Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
   * The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
   * I Cayman went.
   * My other wife is beautiful.
   * I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
   * Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
   * Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle.
   * Nuke the unborn baby whales.
   * Geez if you belive in honkus.
   * Friends don't let friends drive naked.
   * Save California; when you leave take someone with you.
   * I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
   * There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
   * If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
   * When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger.
   * Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats.
   * If it's too loud, you're too old.
   * Wink. I'll do the rest.
   * The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.
   * An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of
     grass and not fall off the earth.
   * Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of
     nothing.
   * I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.
   * Who cares who's on board?
   * Die Yuppie Scum.
   * No radio. Already stolen.
   * Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
   * Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
   * Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities.
   * Exxon Suxx.
   * Honk if you love cheeses.
   * Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist.
   * I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would
     rather be.
   * So many pedestrians, so little time.
   * Honk if you're illiterate
   * If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will accidentally shoot their
     children
   * My kid can beat up your honor student
   * Fight crime, shoot back
   * Impeach the President. . . and Fire Bill, too
   * Dole for Pineapple, Not for President
   * Guns don't kill people postal workers do.
   * If I'm driving funny its probably becuase I'm drunk.
   * Gun control means using both hands!
   * Pray for Whirled Peas!
   * If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
   * Grow your own dope, plant a man.
   * Worry, God knows all about you.
   * Jesus is coming, look busy!
   * Jesus loves you! (everyone else thinks you're an asshole!)
   * JESUS SAVES... But Gretzky gets the rebound, he shoots, he SCORES!!
   * My wife's other car is a broom.
   * They say you can't take it with you... But they also can't come and
     get it!
   * Go ahead and honk. I'm reloading.
   * Good Girls Go To Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere.
   * Zero to Bitch in 4.0 Seconds
   * This car is like my husband, if it ain't yours don't touch it!
   * Humpty Dumpty was Pushed.
   * Give Blood Play Hockey
   * I like cats, they taste just like chicken.
   * I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
   * My other car is Christine, and she's right behind you!
   * I've run out of sick days, so I am calling in dead
   * Defecation eventuates.
   * Fleece on earth, good wool to ewe.
   * Thank God for the IRS. Without them I'd be stinking rich!
   * The question of fishing is not a matter of life or death... it's more
     important than that.
   * Please don't tell my Mama that I work on an oil rig... She thinks I'm
     a piano player in a whorehouse.
   * If there is a tourist season, why can't we shoot them
   * I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it!
   * Nonconformists are all alike.
   * Horn broken. Watch for finger.
   * Hit me, I need money
   * I got this motorhome for my wife....BEST deal I ever made!
   * Caution! Driver's applying make-up
   * The kids drive me crazy, I drive them everywhere
   * What is the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg?
     One's a flaming Nazi gasbag and the other's just a blimp.
   * My honor student fired your stupid kid
   * Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel
   * Honk if you don't give a damn
   * Car will explode upon impact
   * I didn't work my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables
   * Don't Piss me Off. I'm running out of places to Hide the bodies.
   * I am a slow moving disciple of the Swami Procrastinada
   * Why am I the only person on earth that knows how to drive?
   * Normal people worry me
   * don't drink and drive--if you hit a bump you spill
   * don't laugh at these fogged up windows it's your daughter in here
   * Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit
   * Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy, check 3 friends, if
     they are ok, you're it
   * My other car is a Zamboni
   * CAUTION : Driver Singing
   * Join the Army: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then
     kill them
   * This car protected by Smith & Wesson
   * My child was inmate of the month at the county jail
   * Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship
   * support mental health or i'll kill you
   * Forget about world peace... visualize using your turn signal
   * The gene pool could use a little chlorine
   * I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it
   * Consciousness: that annoying time between naps
   * Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!"...till you can find a
     rock
   * I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic
     particles
   * Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself
   * Few women admit their age, few men act it
   * Love: two vowels, two consonants, two fools
   * According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist
   * Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them
   * Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have
   * We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart
   * He who laughs last thinks slowest
   * Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy
   * End racism...kill everyone
   * I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. . . Not screaming and
     yelling like the passengers in his car
   * If you can read this, you're too close. (Written in brail)
   * A man is not truly drunk until he can't lie on the floor without
     holding on
   * I still miss my ex...but my aim is getting better!
   * if you can read this, you're in phaser range
   * Driver carries only $20 worth of ammunition
   * I've found Jesus... He's in my trunk
   * If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
   * Indians discovered Columbus
   * Women Like Simple Things In Life...Men!
   * Never Underestimate The Power Of Stupid People In Large Groups
   * Work is for people who don't know how to fish
   * If you love your life as much as I love my car then you won't steal it
   * Missing: Husband And Dog; Attention $100.00 Reward For Dog
   * Happiness is an automatic weapon with a belt feed
   * Hire Teenagers while they still know everything!
   * When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
   * I may be drunk, but you are down right ugly, and I shall be sober in
     the morning
   * Conserve Water; Shower with a friend
   * Thank you for not breeding
   * Money isn't everything...but it sure keeps the kids in touch!
   * Gun control is being able to hit your target
   * Too Close for Missiles, Switching to Guns
   * If you think I'm a lousy driver, wait until you see me putt
   * So many stupid people, So few comets
   * Archeologists will date any old thing
   * Guns don't kill people, they just make it easier
   * Hang up and drive
   * If you think I'm a drunk driver you're wrong, I'm a blonde
   * Lost your cat? Look under my tires
   * YOU!!! Out of the gene pool
   * Sometimes I wish life had subtitles
   * Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready
   * Us blondes aren't bumb