PLEASE SCAN YOUR COMPUTER FOR THE FOLLOWING VIRUSES:

Bobbitt Virus:  Removes a vital part of your hard disk then reattaches it (but 
that part will never work again).

Oprah Winfrey Virus:  Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then 
slowly expands back to 200MB

AT&T Virus:  Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are 
getting.

MCI Virus:  Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much 
for the AT&T Virus.

Ted Turner Virus:  Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Dan Quayle Viruse:  Their is sumthing rong with yor komputer, ewe jsut cant 
figyour outt wat.

Government Economist Virus:  Nothing works, but all of your diagnostic 
software says everything is fine.

New World Order Virus:  Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really 
mad just thinking about it.

Federal Bureaucrat Virus:  Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little 
units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be 
the most important part of your computer.

Politically Correct Virus:  Never identifies itself as a virus, but instead 
refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."

Texas Virus:  Makes sure it is bigger than any other file.

Airline Luggage Virus:  You are in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian Virus:  Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own 
motherboard.

The OJ Virus:  Kills two of your files then blames it on a Microsoft 
conspiracy